Be Kind

be kind

by

rossyam hadi

🫂

"If you can be anything in this world, choose to be kind."

I was inspired to write this whole collection based on this line that I found when I was in a dark place and I want to capture my journey of learning how to be kind - to myself - by writing it in this collection.

But instead of writing inspiring poems on how to love and treat myself right - when I finished writing Be Kind, the words turned out to be me begging the universe to be kind - to me.

Be Kind is a journey of healing from a breakup - dealing with the phobia of being in a relationship - trying to find love - losing hope to live - revisiting childhood trauma - learning to be a better person - finding my own happiness without relying on others.

I hope you will gain something from each poem to help you - to be kind to yourself first - and then to others - too.

love, syam.

🫂

(1) long way home

we never meant

to drive each other crazy,

I love you for who you are,

you're a habit

that I can't break.

we drive miles away

passing a few ghost towns

and wild circus,

but end up separate by

the fork in the road.

the long night couldn't

get any longer,

I wrap myself around

in my own arms

that used to be yours.

I don't know

the right way to go,

I'm left alone

and I'm taking

the long way home.

🫂

(2) red thread

we bide in

under the same aerosphere

with different distance

where I feel you close

but still unreachable.

the remnant of ours

remains within me,

not far from

seeing your silhouette

through the darkness.

we cut the twine,

but the invisible string

still attaching us

from your little finger

to my ankle.

how long will

this red thread

tying you and me together?

🫂

(3) deep

my purity was 

discovered once ago,

where my deepest depth

were deeply deceived

by the love

that I had.

I used to show

my highest height

with breathtaking view,

only to be shove

down the cliff.

I won't test the water twice,

we could lovemaking

but we can't beat

the same heart.

no matter how deep

you dive in,

there’s no treasure inside me

for you to discover.

🫂

(4) sad boys club

hello heartache,

here we go again,

how do I get

my heart broken, again?

boys like to break

heart of innocents,

I can't help myself

to fall into this unknown love.

songs no longer

sound the same,

used to lost in the beats

but now I cry to the words.

good guys gone bad

when our heart breaks,

we went to the sad boys club

and dance our sorrow away.

🫂

(5) peer pressure

20 incoming calls,

I decline it all,

ignore the messages,

mood going south,

don’t feel like going out.

I'm not well favoured

with a pretty feed

for you to feast on

and keep your

ravenous eyes full.

love me true

or love me not,

I don't mask on

my flaws with

fake filters.

in between fantasy or virtual,

I want to be real,

away from perfect 10,

never been a part of

the cult.

🫂

(6) die alone

it’s just me

in a seat for two,

facing my own reflection

as I watch

people passing by.

downhearted soul

with untenanted mind,

I have lost

desire to stay.

living unwholesomely

in shades of blue,

never fond over present,

just crave some presence.

tired of replying

to the selfsame question,

I'll take the broken parts

away with me.

I don't mind dying alone

like I've felt all my life.

🫂

(7) edge of death

I've gone through

a thousand rain,

still there's no rainbow

for me to be hopeful.

dark clouds keep following

wherever I go,

hiding the sun from me.

sometimes I close my eyes

in the middle of the road,

just to be at

the verdict of danger.

stuck on the

edge of death

for months,

and deal with it all

by myself.

🫂

(8) young once

another year older

as we blow the candles

with wishes in mind

and wisdoms in heart.

we used to be carefree

before life chained us

and lose ourselves

into the cookie cutter.

love wasn't hard

when we were younger,

there's no heartbreak,

only bleeding knees.

livelihood our youth

in field of freedom,

until reality coercion us

to grow up.

the sad truth is

we can only reminisce

to be young

in the old days.

🫂

(9) love for a child

you won't find

a perfect photo

in my memory album,

there's always a missing piece

in the film.

I can't grow a family tree

without the seeds

nor that I can heal

the wilted leaves

on my own.

as I walk the pathway

with my hand can only

be held by one,

there's a gap in me

that I can never fill in.

an irreplaceable kind of love

that a child needs

is the kind of love

that I long for.

🫂

(10) a line

I'm tied to you

my whole life

as we bleed

the same blood.

we have our moments

but we can only

stay on the surface

where our ends

doesn't usually meet.

life is never easy for you,

I grew up watching

you fixed yourself,

treating your wound

on your own.

how I wish

we could sit together

and pour our hearts out,

but there's always a line

between us

that I can never cross.

🫂

(11) queen (of my heart)

your body went in slowly

as you wave

a leaden goodbye

with your eyes,

I pray to the angels

to keep you safe.

my words feel heavy

thinking each time

could be my last

"I love you"

to you.

nothing can elucidate

my solitude towards you,

I would trade my rewards

with your sins.

you're the love of my life,

the queen of my heart,

the rarest gemstone

that I will never

afford to acquire.

🫂

(12) mute

witness the conversation,

eye opening in many ways,

I can see love,

I can feel honesty.

I wish I had been awake

before time lying,

I should've been kinder

to the under.

wasting time

for the hate

without realising

I'm the weeds

in the flower pot.

if only I knew

words can cut you bleed

just like knives,

I would rather be mute

as I've already hurt 

too many before.

🫂

(13) be kind

even when the load

heavier than the shoulder,

I still push all

the helping hands

to be on my own.

living without a pair

as people change

and so does their heart,

I'm not made

to break anew.

healing doesn't happen

in a straight line,

we're not robots,

we can't reboot

the same way every time.

imploring the universe

to be kind

as I get the hang of

how to love me.

🫂

(14) homebody

wake up at noon

in my check print pyjamas,

coffee for lunch,

just another day

staying at home.

married to my queen-sized bed,

make love with my pillows,

there's no need

to touch the car key.

no physical, only simulation,

let me bury my face

onto the screen

to kill the lonesome.

don't need another soul

to fulfil my desire,

keep my hands to myself

as I learn to be

my own company.

🫂

(15) those kinds of nights

it was on

those kinds of nights

where you thought

it will never change.

it is on

those kinds of nights

where you can see

the street lights

starting to come alive

and the city reignite.

it is one of

those kinds of nights

where you feel good

for the first time

since forever.

it will always be

those kinds of nights

where we never sleep,

either a midnight movie

or a late night drive.

these kinds of nights

don’t come around much,

but they are unforgettable.